When Lust Wars Against Love for God

But put ye on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make not provision for the flesh, to fulfil the lusts thereof. (Romans 13:14)

Lord, I’m struggling. I’m feeling consumed by my lust. I know I haven’t physically acted on any feelings lately, but I’m struggling in my mind. I’m struggling in my dreams. Whenever I become stressed in any situation, my mind goes straight to sex, and it’s not even forced. It just happens on a instant, and I hate it. I hate that I fornicated so much before I knew You because now, this fight is so much more difficult than if I had never had any sexual dealings at all. Please give me Your strength so I can stop this way and any unrighteous way of processing stress for good.

I want to self-pleasure, but I know it’s a sin. I know this because I’ve fell in this way before, and I’ve bursted into tears immediately after completion without a thought. It hurts. It hurts knowing that I can’t release in this way. It hurts even more knowing that if I do this, I gamble my intimacy with You, and that’s the last thing I want to lose. I don’t want to lose it AT ALL. I don’t want to lose You at all. I don’t want to avoid sexual gratification because I’m scared of hell, but rather because I love You, and I don’t want to grieve you. I feel safer with You than any false sense of safety I’ve ever felt having sex or doing anything else. Now that I’m single, and I’ve only grown closer to You, I just want to be content and do what’s safe, and that is staying close to You.

But whoso hearkeneth unto me shall dwell safely, and shall be quiet from fear of evil.

(Proverbs 1:33)

Written By Chaayal Y.